Overcoming Self-Doubt and Embracing Leadership Confidence
Guess what; you are not alone. That feeling of not being good enough. The fear of being caught out. The little voice inside that tells you they don’t believe you; they see through you. They are just waiting for the right moment to call your bluff!
We all experience these feelings from time to time, but in some people, the voices have grown to be so loud that it’s all you can hear. This is known as the Imposter Syndrome. It’s like that someone that you allowed into your home (maybe there was a good reason at the time), and you didn’t think too much about it… But slowly and surely, he started taking over. The signs of her presence in your personal spaces, your sacred spots. His presence stealing your joy and complicating your other important relationships… something that seemed unimportant suddenly living like a monster on the inside of you, screaming: “You are not enough, not good enough, not big enough or small enough, intelligent enough, old enough, young enough…” Pointing out to you, those that are better than you. Even Einstein struggled with this: “The exaggerated esteem in which my life work is held makes me very ill at ease. I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler.” (Willis & Zimmerman, 2022). The internationally acclaimed, much-loved Maya Angelo said of herself: “I have written 11 books, but each time I find myself thinking ‘Ah oh! They’re going to find out now! I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out now.”
I’m always writing articles about relevant things in my life, and it helps me to know that I AM NOT ALONE! That there isn’t something seriously wrong with me. But the real questions are, why is this such a problem with so many people? What causes it, and how do I manage it to increase my self-confidence and improve my positive influence as a leader?
The negative voices of the imposter within stem from a variety of factors, including upbringing, life experiences, and messages from authority figures. Many of us have encountered these damaging messages, often as a result of experiences that made us feel inadequate or embarrassed or instilled a belief in our own limitations. Though these messages may have been unintentional or well-meaning, they can have a profound impact on our self-perception.
For instance, I grew up believing I was ‘not good with my hands,’ likely due to my father’s attempts to fix things without proper tools or training. Personal experiences, combined with inherent personality traits, further shape our response to these messages. While some individuals may feel intimidated by the imposter’s voice, others may be motivated to prove it wrong.
It’s important to note that external circumstances, such as a painful divorce or a challenging project, can intensify these feelings of self-doubt. During such times, it’s natural to question our abilities and succumb to the imposter within.
The important question to answer is, what do I do with it when it happens? Many successful people are struggling with the imposter, and still live meaningful impactful lives. What are they doing, and what can we do, to prevent the negative voices from affecting our behaviour in an undesirable way? There are ways to navigate to a more empowered reality. Find below just a few suggestions that help me, when this liar shows their ugly face in many situations in my life:
- Be aware of it. We have often lived so long with its voice in our hearts that we don’t even realise its nagging negative impact in an ever-growing list of scenarios… eroding the possibilities of positive influence in many areas of our lives. PAY ATTENTION.
- Acknowledge the negative thought but counter it with the truth. Reflect on your past successes and the reasons why your current effort can succeed. Concentrate on your strengths and the resources at your disposal. Remember that perfection isn’t always necessary; sometimes, ‘good enough’ is indeed good enough. Give yourself a break! At times, it’s beneficial to take a step back and give yourself some space to gain perspective.
- Surround yourself with the right people. People who tend to tell you what you NEED TO HEAR, NOT WANT TO hear. We sometimes need help from people who value us and see our potential. According to Stephen Covey, great leaders can recognise the potential in others and help them see it themselves.
During an extremely difficult time in my life, I remember lamenting with one of my lifelong soul friends’. I just felt that I wasn’t good enough. I kept messing things up. He looked me in the eye, and with authority reminded me:” You are healthy in your deepest being.” He went further and reminded me of people and situations where I made a lasting difference.
My wife heard me saying years ago that “I had 10 thumbs” referring to my lack of handyman skills… She told me she didn’t believe it for one second and started buying me the proper tools needed to enjoy my love for woodwork. Today I can be very proud of some of the things I’ve made.
It will however never be enough when others believe in you, but you can’t get yourself to do the same.
It’s a universal truth that we all contend with the unwelcome presence of the Imposter from time to time. However, if you find yourself wrestling with Imposter Syndrome, seeking professional help may be necessary. To quote an article from the website Very Well Mind: “For some people, impostor syndrome can fuel motivation to achieve, but this usually comes at the cost of experiencing constant anxiety. You might over-prepare or work much harder than necessary, for instance, to “make sure” nobody finds out you are a fraud. Eventually, anxiety worsens and may lead to depression.”
As the old adage goes, ‘The wolf that gets fed the most will eventually overpower the one being starved.’ In the words of Moses to the people of Israel, ‘I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live.’ And echoing Henry Ford’s wisdom, ‘If you believe you can or you can’t, you’re right.’
An imposter by definition is NOT WELCOME. With or without help, GET RID OF HIM!
Love and respect.
Stefan Lessing
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