Never Give Up
“Tough times never last. Tough people do.”
I have used those words many times during my career.
But for me, they are more than words on a presentation slide.
I have lived them.
There was a time in my life when a business venture went terribly wrong and we lost virtually everything we had.
Our youngest son, our fourth child, had recently been born. Money became so scarce that my wife, Charmaine, was selling our clothes so that we could put food on the table.
Eventually, I was declared insolvent.
I know what it feels like to wonder how you are going to get through another month.
I know what it feels like to be betrayed by people you trusted in business.
I know what it feels like to hear the word cancer from a doctor.
But none of these experiences came close to the greatest tragedy our family has ever faced.
Our youngest son was murdered at the age of just 17.
My wife and our two younger sons were attacked while driving in Inanda Road in Hillcrest, Durban.
There are some events in life for which no leadership book, motivational quotation or training programme can adequately prepare you.
Losing a child is one of them.
There were times when the pain seemed unbearable. Times when getting up and facing another day required more courage than I thought I possessed.
And yet, somehow, we carried on.
That is why I believe so deeply in one word:
GRIT.
Grit is not pretending everything is fine when it isn’t.
It isn’t denying pain, fear, disappointment or grief.
Grit is the determination to keep moving when life gives you every reason to stop.
Sometimes that movement is a giant leap.
Sometimes it is one tiny step.
But you keep moving.
Over the years, I have learned that resilience is not something reserved for a fortunate few. It consists of behaviours, thoughts and actions that can be learned, practised and strengthened.
Here are 12 practices that can help us develop grit and resilience:
- Be inspired by others. Their stories remind us that seemingly impossible circumstances can be overcome.
- Have an open mind. When one way forward disappears, be willing to find another.
- Expect and accept change. Life will change. Our ability to adapt determines whether change defeats or develops us.
- Adopt a “win or learn” mentality. Failure does not have to be the end of your story. Ask: What can this teach me?
- Have a powerful WHY. Purpose gives us a reason to stand up again when life knocks us down.
- Know yourself. Understand your strengths, vulnerabilities and what helps you recover.
- Look after yourself. Grit does not mean running yourself into the ground. Physical, mental and emotional recovery matter.
- Talk to someone. Strength includes knowing when you need the support of family, friends, a coach or counsellor.
- Practise gratitude. Even in our darkest periods, finding something to be grateful for can begin changing our perspective.
- Write things down. Journaling helps us process what has happened and make sense of what we are feeling.
- Remember what you have already overcome. When the next mountain appears, look back at the mountains you have already climbed.
- Never lose your sense of humour. Even during difficult seasons, laughter reminds us that darkness does not have to occupy every part of our lives.
I would add one more lesson from my own journey.
Never confuse being knocked down with being defeated.
They are not the same thing.
Life may knock you down financially.
A relationship may disappoint you.
Someone you trust may betray you.
Your health may frighten you.
You may experience a loss so profound that you cannot imagine life ever feeling normal again.
But being knocked down does not mean you have to stay down.
Today, when I look back over my life, I would never have chosen many of the experiences our family has endured.
But I can choose what I do with them.
I can allow adversity to make me bitter, or I can allow it to make me stronger, kinder, more compassionate and more determined to make my remaining years count.
That, to me, is grit.
Not invulnerability.
Not pretending.
Not never falling.
Getting up. Again. And again. And again.
Whatever you are facing today, your story is not necessarily finished.
Take the next step.
Ask for help if you need it.
Hold onto your WHY.
And above all:
Never. Give. Up.
Tough times never last. Tough people do.
Your friend,
Dave
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