We really are living in an exciting time of the world’s history – Great advances in technology, exploration further and further into space, greater awareness of health and vitality, the environment, human rights etc.
With all of this come phenomenal opportunities – More entrepreneurs than ever before, more freedom, greater access to knowledge, education, health and much more.
I am really excited by all of this. Unfortunately, however, it is also causing people to become busier and busier. People are just so busy being busy. As a result, I believe that the fundamentals of really good relationships are being eroded away. People do not have time to really connect. It is a fact that one of the most desired human emotions is that of connection with other souls and it starts with our very own families.
The onslaught against the family unit is tremendous. Often this very unit is ignored in our quest for success. Success, however, is worthless if we do not have someone to share it with. The family unit is there, I believe, to shape our values, character and quality of life.
Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They are trying to find someone who is going to make them feel good.
In reality, the only way, I believe, that a relationship will last is if we see the relationship as a place that we go to give, and not a place that we go to take.
It is with this in mind that I have chosen to share with you what I believe are:
The Seven Most Important Points To A Successful Relationship
- Know the values and rules of people with whom you share a relationship. In all the counselling that I have done with couples wanting to divorce it has always been over a difference in values and behaviours.
- Communicate frequently, honestly and openly with your spouse or partner. There are certain warning stages within a relationship that indicate that you need to tackle a relationship problem immediately before it gets out of h and. I call these the 4 ‘R’s. I believe that it is very important to be aware of these.
Stage one: Resistance – You feel annoyed. You take exception. Most people don’t communicate when they feeling a sense of resistance and as a result this emotion continues to grow until it becomes …
Stage two: Resentment – Now you are not just annoyed you are angry with your partner. You separate yourself from them and erect an emotional barrier. If this is not communicated it turns into …
Stage Three: Rejection – You have so much resentment built up that you look for ways to make your partner wrong. You therefore verbally or non-verbally or even physically attack them. You see everything they do as irritating or annoying. This is when not only emotional separation occurs but physical as well. If this is allowed to continue, to lessen your pain you move to …
Stage Four: Repression – You try to reduce your pain by creating emotional numbness. This is the most dangerous phase. No one suspects that there are any problems in the relationship because you don’t fight or argue as there is no feeling because there is no relationship.
To avoid the 4 R’s it is imperative that you communicate up front. Don’t wait for the relationship to retrogress through the four stages.
- Make your relationship one of the highest priorities in your life.
- Focus each day on making it better.
- Never, ever threaten the relationship by saying something like, “let’s get divorced or separated.”
- Each day re-associate to what you love about your partner.
- Surprise each other, find and create those special moments that can make your relationship a role-model to your children.
Antonia Porchia, the great Argentinian poet, said, “In a full heart there is room for everything, and in an empty heart there is room for nothing.” Make sure that you heart is always full when it comes to your relationships.